Tagged:  toddler

Things you can do when you're drunk

 

Toddlers get to break all the rules. They can walk around the house with only socks on, bite their own toenails, smash cupcakes into their mouth hole with complete disregard for self-respect… you know, the standard stuff. In this video, Tripp and Tyler go the extra mile to make it clear that toddlers are just tiny badasses that dgaf.

Of course, you could pull all that sh*t off if you were totally wasted too.

1

In 1870, Elisha Gray and Alexander Graham Bell both independently designed devices that could transmit speech electrically (the telephone). 103 years later, we had cell phones. It’s interesting to think back on what I considered a phone when I was 20-months-old. My daughter will grow up without even recognizing the viability of a landline phone, and I’m okay with that. Thanks, Coop.

Here is my 20-month-old daughter using a calculator, imitating my wife and I on the phone.

It doesn’t matter how old or how many tattoos you have, if a toddler hands you a toy phone, you answer that sh*t.

1

While rockabilly is still hitting Japan… hard evidently, grunge is finally catching up to Latin countries. Like other kids that might need heavy metal to help calm them down, grunge is waking up kids into a drumming frenzy.

The uploader, , says in the description, “This is my half little brother (he is half Norwegian and half Chilean) and she is my sister. My mother married a BIG Viking, so [my] brother looks a little more than 3 years. The last time we woke him up in the car, he got so grumpy and cranky. And since he loves this kind of music we just had to try a new method. I think there are parents that can recognize this scene.”

We’re just glad they didn’t have to slam on the breaks and snap little dude’s neck and for that, we thank them.

HuffPo

0

Sometimes I Forget I’m Not Alone

rosenberg family portrait

What could test a happy-looking family like those chumps up there? A three year old, of course.

I hate the terms “terrible twos” and “terrible threes.” It’s a cop-out. An excuse. It’s a deflection for attacking a normal developmental phase in your kid. It’s a phrase that describes parents more than kids; your toddler’s just being a toddler, but in your second or third year of fatherhood, you’ve grown comfortable. So naturally, when your kid starts spreading their wings, it feels like the end of the world. You wonder why, even with these terrible “terrible” phrases around, you’re the only one going through this.

Recently, I forgot that I wasn’t alone, and luckily for me, a group of guys came to my rescue. On Twitter, nonetheless.

9

5 Places NOT To Take A Toddler

There’s ‘an hilarious’ article up on the Rants From Mommyland that goes into detail about WHERE you should NOT take a toddler. It lists the 5 places as:

  1. The pediatrician
  2. The barber shop
  3. Shoe shopping
  4. The library
  5. A restaurant

I read it, and I really wanted to like it so I could begin my day on a positive note and bait it like The Consumerist and say OH SNAP TOTES TRUTH BITCHES!!1one!… but I just can’t.

The Consumerist blogger, Mr. Phillip, invites you on this fantastic voyage with the first set of gentle (yet manly) key strokes, “Some parents think its adorable for their tykes to scream their ABCs in public or use waiting room chairs as jungle gyms. Most others, though, are simply annoyed by the presence of unruly rugrats and would rather not be subjected to their antics while they try to take care of business.”

Damn you, children… YOU USELESS PUSTULES. If ONLY there were suitable mentors to assist in the disciplining of these barbaric and soulless monkeys then ALL of our problems would cease to exist and NOT have to be treated with alcohol and prescription drugs!

WHY DIDN’T WE JUST GET KITTENS! F*CK!

7

Episode 024: Balls To The Face
Movie(s) Available!

Episode 024: Balls To The Face

This week’s episode covers the following stories on 8bitdad.com for the week leading up to April 3rd, 2012: PQotW: Do You Ever Leave Your Toddler Alone In the Car? / Alicia Silverstone Baby-Birds Her Kid, WTF / Father Dressed As Batman Pulled Over On His Way to Children’s Hospital / MTV Fails Teen Dads / What To Expect? Dads Portrayed As Morons

8

Episode 013: Hashtag Dad
Movie(s) Available!

Episode 013: Hashtag Dad

This week’s episode covers the following stories on 8bitdad.com for the week leading up to January 16th, 2012: A Toddler Learning To Walk, Goodfellas StyleFather & Daughter Make Crab CamA Female Perspective Into The Teachings Of ArielRick Santorum Claims Kids With Fathers In Prison Better Off Than Kids With Two Moms

0

This is a video directly from my friend Michael Touna, who posted this tonight. It’s fresh, it’s original, it’s fantastic.

Brief history: our paths crossed professionally a few years back while we worked together in the same building. After getting to know each other on a more personal level, we learned that our respective wives’ due date was within months of each other. I had a daughter and 2 months later he would had a son. We appeared to be the complete opposites yet we were both kindred spirits in our life experience. As a future father, it was awesome to go through most of the pregnancy phases alongside him as he helped to construct his future family. We had been strangers years before, but now had something in common to bond over and talk about. It was pretty awesome.

1