News emerged this morning of a child that he fathered created with someone who wasn’t his wife. Classy!

Donna Savattere, then a 35 year old production assistant at CBS Sports, has been reportedly paid to stay quiet for years, while raising Chloe, their now-seven year old daughter.

Remember the bizarro world of Footloose (this one, not that one) where dancing and rock music was banned in some small town because kids died in a rock-music-fueled car accident? Admittedly, today’s news out of New York City is a cat of a different color: New York City has established a list of words that are now banned from school standardized tests. And when you read this list, even if you’re the type of dude that often sides with The Man, you may just start packing your bags for Newt’s moon base.

While the NY Daily News is celebrating the $731 million “squeezed” out of “deadbeat dads,” the New York Post tells a different story – of a compassionate New York that got more money out of these fathers by working with them instead of cornering them at gunpoint.

Fathers behind on payments received counseling, job preparation training and money budgeting help, which initially worried Robert Doar, New York Commissioner of the Human Resources Administration. “But as it turns out with many of our fathers, if you go about it that way, you’re more likely to get collections.”

So, whether the more true account was the NY Daily News‘ version, where Mayor Bloomberg tracked down deadbeat fathers and “squeezed” them until all their money fell out of their pockets, or the New York Post’s version, where fathers unable to pay were given training and support to do so – we’ll never know. But it seems like a lot was accomplished (a 4.5% increase in collections) by treating the fathers with dignity and merely asking what can be done to remedy the situation.

We all love a good Occupy Wall Street story. Usually, they’ve got to do with a bunch of well-meaning young folk championing some common-man economic problem and exposing an evil empire’s exploitations. And sometimes it ends up being poorly-deployed news. If you’re into the latter and not the former, mother-hivemind Cafemom and the New York Post both have a story about Wise Ahadzi, a single father of two daughters whose house was just occupied in the name of stealing from the rich and giving to the poor.

Ahadzi had bought the house in Brooklyn, New York, in 2007 for over $400,000, and made his normal payments for about two years. Then, in 2009, he lost his job, just as the housing crisis slammed the value of the house down by more than half of the original cost. Ahadazi has been in foreclosure proceedings with Bank of America since then. The single father even moved down the road to a smaller and more affordable apartment during the court battle.

Ahadzi still, according to everyone involved, still owns the house – even through the lengthy foreclosure proceedings.

It’s a really slow Monday morning, and we’re still wiping the sleep out of our eyes. While we still attempt to kick-start our week, here are some celebrity sightings from the New York Post. We officially apologize for the chick news.

For bonus points, here’s some Elton John daddy gossip.