If you ever wanted to know how and why humanity is doomed to fail, look no further than the commercials interspersed during your kids’ favorite television shows. Though there’s been a recent resurgence of cool superhero stuff out there in toy stores, not all kid products are created equal. Among the newly-gendered LEGO sets, NERF sniper rifles and we-swear-its-not-just-marshmallows cereal commercials, you see just how low humanity can get.

How low? Well, let’s just put it this way: imagine everything you can exist without owning. Now take those ideas and make them worse.

Then head over to the next page for three prime examples (plus a bonus!) of why the meteor needs to end us sooner rather than later.

What can be said about Johnson & Johnson: Johnson’s Bedtime Bath, that hasn’t already been said about a half billion other infant products? Turns out, more or less nothing. Every product sold to you as a parent is proven to and promises to do something.

Those crafty jerks at Johnson & Johnson have somehow promised you that your baby will sleep better.

But better than what?