Nothing terribly funny about this post: a DC-area program called “Fathering Court” helps incarcerated fathers learn how to be dads. The criminals are encouraged and helped with employment, so that once they leave prison, they are able to actively and positively effect their childrens’ lives. It’s good to see a program that re-aligns a criminal’s perceptions of his familial responsibility. Maybe this program can disprove the old sentiment of “once a criminal, always a criminal.” In fact, out of the program’s 50 graduates, only ONE has be re-arrested thus far.

Fathering Court is a three-year-old program that was funded by a grant from the Department of Justice. Read the link below for more details.

Sauce: Washington Post

UK drug-store Boots has started carrying paternity tests in their 2,500 brick-and-mortar (B&M to you industry folk) stores – over-the-counter. The tests, by AssureDNA, require mouth swabs from the child, mother and father, and consent forms be filled out. Then, it’s off to the lab – where the samples will be analyzed by real scientists.

AssureDNA claims “accuracy of results typically in excess of 99.99%“, which unless I’m missing something about the metric system, means 100% accuracy.

You can now destroy your child’s world just as easily as you can buy them a candy bar for their good report card – and for less than £30 ($50 USD). AssureDNA does, to their moral benefit, has a checklist of things to think-over before going through with the test.

This brings up the dilemma – is fatherhood in nature or nurture? It would seem that in “normal” families, where love isn’t an issue, “nurture” is the answer – that although you’re genetically-bound to your kid, you parent them because you love them and love doing it. But in legal matters and in families where love has gone awry, it’s not a bad thing to have easy access to “the truth.”

This test, as it seems, can identify your father – but not necessarily your dad. Insert cute picture of puppies cuddling here.

Also, what’s with that box? It’s a paternity test, but there’s a pic of a mom and baby on there? WTF, mate? Are you suggesting that the only reason someone would buy this was to stick that loving mother with 100% responsibility of the baby, which she’d gladly take because she’s so full of love? What, are there no fathers out there fighting for custody of a child? They should have just put a text bubble above her that said “Don’t worry, we’ll get him out of our lives forever and take a vacation with his money.”

Sauce: The Guardian

Not that this is breaking news, but the Discovery Channel/TLC network has been making money off of a father-and-son struggle for years now, and the American public has eaten it up. Are we all proud of ourselves?

American Chopper started out as a show about a father-and-son team that built custom motorcycles for different companies and events. Over time, however, Paul Teutul and his son, Paul Jr., had a falling-out. Paul Sr. fired Paul Jr., and their business was split up. They now run competing bike shops in New York, and despite the father-son drama and lawsuit, cameras kept rolling, even when Paul Sr. had asked otherwise. Once Paul Jr. was past a lawsuit-mandated non-competition period, the network came to him, asking if he’d be building bikes again, and if so, if they could film him for the show. Paul Sr., less than four miles away in his own shop, told the show that he wasn’t interested in doing a show that pit father and son’s shops against each other. The network threatened to cancel Sr.’s portion of the show if he didn’t agree to it.

The rest, as they say, is history. Comments from both Sr. and Jr. seem to indicate that their relationship has been stressed more by the show’s constant filming, which is done in two separate locations by two separate crews.

Is the American Chopper storyline appropriate for television? Or should Paul Sr. and Jr. have focused on their private lives instead of making their now-ratings-snatching relationship a commodity?

Sauce: NY Times

Logging those long-hours at work and locking yourself in your home-office on weekends is going to pay off. You’ll be able to afford the best education and consumer goods for your kid. Unfortunately, it’ll also make your kid an a-hole.

This breaking news comes from a study by Doctor of Sociology C. André Christie-Mizell, Jacqueline M. Keil, Mary Therese Laske, and Jennifer Stewart. They found that there is a correlation between a father’s time spent with his kid, and the kid’s likelihood of ending up a bully. A mother’s work hours strangely didn’t effect bullying behavior in the study – but the father’s work hours did; another factor that increased bullying was if the child perceived his father to be gone often. So, it would seem that a father could be around full-time seven days a week, but if the child perceives that he’s not spending time with the father – the kid turns into a jackass.

The best part of this study is the abstract’s final line: “Other important factors that shape bullying behavior are the quality of the home environment and the adolescent’s school performance.” So…basically you’re telling me that every-friggin-thing effects a kid’s likelihood of bullying behavior. Gotcha. It’s all clear now. thx.

Sauce: NY Times

If you’ve got a moment to read an emotional little piece today, point your peepers to this one. It’s about Mac-inventor Jef Raskin‘s final gift to his son Aza.

It’s not like you’ll come out of this one crying, but hopefully it’ll make you think about the power of fatherhood, and the legacy you’ll leave to your child. Chances are that you won’t invent the Mac, so you’ll have to think of something else.

Sauce: Co.Design

Chris, a father of three and Daddy’s Down author is – dare I say – a real father. He’s tough as nails and he’s not sugar-coating anything for his kids. He recently had to have his dog of 12 years put down – which was hard enough for him. But then, he decided to tell his kids the truth. No “Spot went on vacation” or “Rover went to doggie-heaven.”

So, over dinner, Chris told his kids this: “Sometimes mommy and daddy have to make tough decisions. Last night, the ghost of Abe Lincoln came into our bedroom last night and told us that we had to make a decision. He said that in the name of freedom, we’d have to choose whether to kill one of you kids, or kill the dog. So, the good news is that we chose you over the dog. The bad news is that the lasagna we’re eating are made with dog meat. Because Lincoln said we’d have to dispose of the body ourselves, and it just seemed like a terrible waste to get rid of all this sweet, sweet dog meat.”

Okay, that’s not at all what Chris said.

But back in reality, Chris had to make the tough decision to be honest with his kids about their dog’s death. Kids “learn to deal with sorrow and grief” he says, “by having to deal with it.” As a nice side effect, Chris says that this angle also teaches your kids honesty, integrity and trust. All true. A lot more true than going the Lincoln-death-ultimatum route, I guess.

Sauce: Daddy’s Down