NES Controller

Old School NES Games That Prepared Me for Fatherhood

Fathers pull their inspiration from weird places. Some of them pull it out of their own father’s teachings. Some of them pull it out of necessity and learn on the fly. But what indisputably prepares you for fatherhood the most is video games. Old NES games, specifically. Look, that console had two... 
10 Discontinued Snacks

10 Discontinued Junk Foods That My Son Will Never Get the Chance to Eat

Some things are too good (or too bad) to keep around forever. This is especially true in the world of junk food, where brands constantly crank out products based on market trends and flimsy pop culture references. My son will never eat some of the junk food I had when I was younger. I certainly won’t... 
25 Reasons

25 Reasons Kids Should Be Left Alone With Their Dads

Making fun of dads because they are “pretty much just giant children” is soooooooo 2011. Maybe y’all ain’t heard, but dads are getting all sorts of respect lately – not because they’re doing anything different, but because – ugh - who didn’t want to... 
Comic-con Kid

9 Tips for Taking Your Kid to Their First Comic-Con

I am a comic book geek and so is my seven-year-old daughter. Before we start pointing fingers, let me just say that I blame myself for her condition. When you raise a child in a house filled with comic books, where the living room bookcase has Two-Face book-ends and your art supplies are kept in Hellboy... 
2013 Commercials

Observations on Dad-Bias in 140 Commercials from 2013

I’ve been calling out dad-bias in commercials for years now, and really wanted to put the nail in the coffin. So I watched, noted and rated 140 commercials in 2013 that featured fathers as main characters. And if I was looking for a fight…man, I couldn’t have done it at a worse time.... 
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(NOTE: for the sake of our own sanity, we’ve completely misrepresented vomit as rainbows in all of this post’s images)

Being a father is about more than working hard to support your family and loving the crap out of your kids. It’s about cleaning up vomit. Pounds of it. If you don’t like to touch, smell like and potentially, accidentally swallow vomit – you’re not ready to be a father.

You think I’m kidding.

Dog and cat owners will gleefully tell you that nothing’s worse than when their dog coughs up a hairy pile in their living room. But dogs usually eat grass right before throwing up – and grass is a friggin’ treat compared to child-vomit. Even when cats eat birds whole and you find some thrown-up sparrow skeleton covered in cat hair – that’s still a cakewalk compared to the things children throw up.

You know you’re a real father when you realize one day that your carpet looks like cheetah fur and you don’t have a dog.

I’ve compiled for you a list – not of the worst things a kid can throw up – but of the worst “plain” foods. Anyone could tell you that it’s gnarly to clean up three-bean-chili-kid-barf. But as any parent knows, when you go to the doctor with a sick kid, they immediately tell you to stick to “plain” foods – things like white rice, plain toast, plain pasta. But even though it’s “plain” on the way down, it doesn’t mean it comes up that way.

Warning, this list is graphic. If you’ve got a hair trigger on your barf barrel, you might want to skip this list.

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Ruin Marriage? Really?!?

People connect. Mentally, physically, spiritually, politically, socially, and philosophically, we connect ourselves to other people. Marriage isn’t for everybody, but there are a lot of reasons that connecting yourself to someone legally can be as important as any of these other connections. A spouse can help you to live and die on your own terms, protect your interests in your absence, and ensure the uninterrupted well-being of your children. Being straight, I would enjoy a lot of these advantages even if I weren’t married, but the rights of my gay friends are not so well-defined. Denying people the right to marry is hypocritical and bigoted. This little number (see above) has been making the blogosphere rounds and I think that it illustrates my point quite well.

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Slate writer Katie Roiphe just got a promotion, or a kickback from Adam Mansbach.

That’s the only thing I can think of when I read her review of Mansbach’s wildly popular book, “Go the F**k to Sleep,” in which she says it “exposes yuppie parents’ sexlessness, self-pity, and repressed rage.”

Yikes.

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Two nights ago, I got an e-mail from Fathers & Families letting me know that their Executive Director, Glenn Sacks absolutely destroyed MSNBC beyond repair. He left the network so beaten and broken that they were microphone parts out of their cornholes all weekend.

That’s only a slightly-accurate representation of what I really read. Keep reading for the real scoop.

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Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, David Cameron, recently made a claim that runaway fathers should be shamed like drunk drivers. Sounds alright, yes? Quoth PM Cameron:

It’s high time runaway dads were stigmatised and the full force of shame was heaped upon them. They should be looked at like drink-drivers, people who are beyond the pale. They need the message rammed home to them that what they’re doing is wrong: that leaving single mothers, who do a heroic job against all odds, to fend for themselves simply isn’t acceptable.

No one’s got any problems with this. Any parent that doesn’t take responsibility for their kid should be looked at like a criminal. Butttttttt, evidently, just days prior, Cameron had unleashed a new welfare reform bill, that, along with other things, would charge single parents an upfront fee of £100 (about $62) and commission to go after deadbeats.

The welfare reform bill aims to make parents resolve problems before going to the Child Support Agency. The problem is that without a law behind it – there’s no “full force of shame” for deadbeats – because no one will know about them.

Read the much-more-informed Guardian article on the matter. We’re just here to make jokes via photoshop.

Sauce: The Guardian

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Obama’s Got the Touch
Movie(s) Available!

Sometimes it takes a father’s touch to sooth a crying baby. Regardless of politics, you gotta admit, it’s nice to see a baby soothed by a father, surrounded by chicks.

Also, do you see that little girl in red in the front? Swear to god she was wiping away a tear. She’s totally already a mother in her head.

YouTube

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Ultimate Animal Dads

You think you’re a hardcore dad? Check out Animal Planet’s “Ultimate Animal Dads” playlist the next time you’re whining about having to give your baby a 1am bottle.

If you were a seahorse, you would have given birth to 1,500 babies at once. That’s also a really good defense against a pregnant wife – if she’s belly-aching about how much her back hurts, you can say “you know, if we were seahorses, I’d be carrying the baby, and there’d be 1,500 of them.” You’re also going to want to run really fast if you try that line.

Sauce: Animal Planet

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A (Post) Father’s Day Mixtape

Okay, so Father’s Day’s over, and 8BitDad just won’t let go of it. Mainly, of course, because we didn’t tell you all this great crap before “the big day.” Sue us, we have kids.

Here’s how we’re playing this one off as current: Father’s Day’s over, but you want a special mix of music to share with your kid so he’s always thinking of you? Well, ain’t that fancy! Radio station WNYC has got a special Father’s Day post-Father’s Day list of songs you can (legitimately) download somewhere to build a mixtape about the often-complex father-child relationship.

Now – some of these songs aren’t exactly father-loving ballads. Johnny Cash’s “A Boy Named Sue” or Harry Chapin’s “Cats in the Cradle” don’t exactly paint a utopian fatherhood. But they’re classic songs about fatherhood – and you could use them as a basis for discussions about absent or busy fathers, reassuring your youngin(s) that you’d never be like that.

Or, you can just sit your kid down and make him watch Madonna’s video for “Papa Don’t Preach” and call it a day.

Sauce: WNYC

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