All Posts by: Zach Rosenberg

David Niles

Oh, you took a photo of your kid last weekend? I’m real happy for you, and I’ma let you finish, but there are some dads out there shooting photos of their kids and blending them into other-worldly stuff who make us all look like chumps.

Suddenly the blurry pic of your kid on his trike seems meh.


Huggies Answers

After engaging with fathers and pledging to care for the other half of the parenting equation, Huggies continues to push their “Huggies Mommy Answers” with largely-good commercials, but the same narrow, single-minded mom focus.

Dads, do you have questions about raising your kids? Where do you go? Who do you ask? Unfortunately, you’re not in Huggies’ demographic, so it’s not their problem. Go ask a buddy.


Making Retro Video Game Pixel Art With Perler Beads

One of the best parts of being a this-generation parent is doing nerdy stuff with your kids. And it’s just a bonus when you get to nerd-out with your kids while revisiting an old summer camp craft.

The most awesome of all summer-camp-crafts-turned-nerd-craft has to be Perler beads. These things basically look like pixels, so you know where I’m going with this (also, you saw the header image and you, dear readers, are not stupid).

Perler beads give you the opportunity to revisit some super-rad 8-bit classics while doing crafts with your kids. I’ll show you how to make a simple goomba from Super Mario Bros. 1 that you can stick on the fridge or wall. And just think – if you get the hang of this, you can create your own retro video game scene on your kid’s wall and be the envy of…well…me, at least.


million father march

What can only be described as “a million fathers” are joining this year’s Million Father March for the first day of school.

Organized by The Black Star Project, the Million Father March aims to have all men (not just fathers) get involved in their family’s schooling. Male caretakers of all ages walked their kids to school, sat with them in class, and participated in other activities. The activities continue as more of the country’s kids are going back to school.


rush home aussies

If you’re a five year old Australian kid and you’re sitting there reading 8BitDad while your dad is at work late, first of all, thanks! You have great taste in websites. Second of all, you’re going to turn out to be a hooligan. Because of your dad, not us.

According to a total snorefest called “Mothers’ and Fathers’ Work Hours, Child Gender, and Behavior in Middle Childhood”, Aussie five year olds whose dads work more than 55 hours a week showed ”significantly higher levels of externalizing behavior”. That’s science-speak for “total dick behavior.”

The study appears in a recent issue of The Journal of Marriage and Family, which is a great read. On opposite day.


Letter To My Son About Excel

Dear Son,

I know you’re only four, and I know that you can’t read. I know that I haven’t let you on my computer much, and I’m sorry. Because what I’m about to tell you is of utmost importance: it’s high time you learned Microsoft Excel.

A lot of people think that Excel is simply a tool for boring suits to map out data. Well, son, that’s partially true. But Excel is exciting and Excel can be pretty rock and roll if you trust Excel.

I’ve got a book on pivot tables that we can start reading together before bed. It’s not exactly Shel Silversteen, but I do consider it no coincidence that both the cover of The Giving Tree and the Microsoft Excel icon are both resplendently green.


tony hawk cupcakes

Moms stress out about family, dads don’t. That’s official, courtesy of findings from the American Sociological Association. But fellas, the burden is on you to take it from moms, says the study.

Findings came from the 108th Annual Meeting of the American Sociological Association. Did 8BitDad attend that conference? You know we did. And by did, we mean didn’t.

Dads, you carefree buttholes! Don’t you know it’s your fault that mom is so stressed? Why don’t you help around the house? Why don’t you ignore your own Eagles-like peaceful, easy feeling and mire in the world-crushing emotional terribleness of momhood?

Well, when you say it like that…


big hands big stache

Real talk: a Pakistani father was kidnapped and kept in a cave until he shaved his mustache. He continues to receive death threats and has gone into hiding until this mess blows over, which it won’t, because he vows to never shave the mouth brow again.

Businessman and father of 10, Malik Amir Mohammad Khan Afridi had become somewhat of a local hero with his 30-inch oiled, combed, twirled and styled mustache. Then, the 48 year old Afridi started receiving threats from the Lashkar-e-Islam, a militant Islamic group in Pakistan. First, the group wanted $500 per month for safety insurance. Afridi denied and soon found himself kidnapped and in a cave, with demands that he trim or shave his glorious lip-python. That was in 2009.

I didn’t make this up.