All Posts by: Zach Rosenberg

www.8bitdad.com

Dear every other parent in the drop-off / pick-up line at school tomorrow,

I know that school just started. I know that it’s an exciting time for you and for your small child. But please, please, pretty fucking please, stay in your line. I know it’s tough…I’m sympathetic to your pain. I’m in line too.

Thing is, we’re all in line. So get your ass where it needs to be and inch forward like everyone else. Thumbs up emoji.

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Baltimore Batman

A Maryland man who visited sick kids in the hospital dressed as Batman was killed Sunday when a car on the interstate hit his custom Batmobile.

The 51 year old man, Lenny Robinson, was pronounced dead at the scene.

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Hulk Hogan

In the 1980’s, Hulk Hogan was a phenomenon. He was the most recognizable face of professional wrestling for decades, and “Hulkamania” swept the nation, creating never-ending waves of merchandising, tie-ins and sound bites. Many people were inspired to wrestle after watching that golden-haired Hulk leg drop competitor after competitor. Others were inspired to name their children “Hulk.” Now, through Hulk Hogan’s lawsuit with Gawker Media, news has emerged that Hogan made racist remarks found in a leaked sex tape transcript. This news has caused the WWE to fire Hogan and scrub their sites of his existence.

So how do parents who named their children after the wrestling icon feel now that we know he’s a flaming racist?

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Slave Leia Chain Dad

There’s a dad in New Jersey who is “furious” that Hasbro’s Star Wars Black Series Slave Leia action figure is in toy stores. “That’s pretty inappropriate. I got 2 daughters I don’t need seeing that crap,” he told FOX 29 News Philadelphia.

So I want to know – is the Slave Leia action figure appropriate for toy shelves? Should it be relegated to online-only sales so kids won’t see it in the store?

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Jaxon Williams

Looks like Jaxon Williams, son of retired NBA star Jason Williams, is getting his dad’s handles and court awareness:

I expect this kid to be breaking NBA ankles in a couple years.

I’m a Los Angeles Lakers fan, and in college, I lived with a Sacramento Kings fan during the early 2000s, when the Lakers met the Kings in the Western Conference playoffs a couple of times. The rivalry was fierce (because who REALLY got into the Lakers/Trailblazers rivalry?!), and as such, I had a simultaneous hatred and respect for Jason Williams. Dude made the highlight reels worth watching after I’d suffer a Lakers loss (which nowadays is an every-game thing).

Anyway, it’s good to see the kid putting a little flair in his game. Hopefully he doesn’t get too cocky.

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E3 2005

Yesterday was the last day of E3 2015. I got a chance to attend and check out some of the really cool upcoming games — Street Fighter V! Disney Infinity 3.0! Mario Maker! — and even got to take selfies with some of my favorite industry personalities. But 10 years ago, I was taking a whole different kind of photo.

2005: E3 has been bubbling up in the early 2000’s and at the show, it’s getting harder and harder to find the games as you drown in a sea of promotional toys and “booth babes.” I’m slowly shuffling forward in a neverending line of nerds, but instead of inching toward a playable demo, I’m — oh, wait, it’s my turn.

I walk up a couple of faux stone steps, and there are three “booth babes” standing at the top. All day, they’ve been posing with men up there. I say “hey, so I’m doing something a little different,” and the second one of them starts to nod, I drop to the ground and slump down the steps. My friend says “it’s okay, this is his thing,” and snaps the picture. The women laugh as we walk away. The next 400 men squeeze between the women and wrap their arms around them, proudly posing for their photo as if they’ve done something other than stand in line for it.

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Branson Paternity Leave

A policy allowing 50 weeks shared parental leave hit the United Kingdom back in April, but Sir Richard Branson, CEO of Virgin Group, a dude that owns subsidiaries in both the music and aerospace industries, didn’t think that was enough – for dads at least.

Branson just unveiled a policy at Virgin that gives new parents — both mothers and fathers — up to one year of fully-paid parental leave. But but but

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Boomshakalaka!

Back when it was a totally dope diss to say “don’t have a cow, man”, kids had a vocabulary full of pop culture. There was something magical about old video games’ vocal snippets. Because games had limited memory, and because we were dealing with cartridges and CDs instead of giant hard drive installs, sound bytes were short, succinct and hilarious.

My friends and I would dole out disses and exclamations based on video game sound bites. I wonder how many of these were common among your group of friends too! The best thing is that I’ve found that some old school video game phrases are totally still usable now that I’m a father…

Quote: “BOOMSHAKALAKA!”

Game: NBA Jam (1993)
System: Arcade, Genesis, Game Gear, SEGA CD, SNES, Game Boy
Usage: After jamming home some trash next to your unaware child.

Of course. NBA Jam was a game full of sound bites and quotables. And while “he’s on fire” was commonly thrown around by my friends, the more forceful exclamation was a gentle “BOOMSHAKALAKA” yelled into the ear of a friend who merely had the bad luck of standing next to a trash can while you had something to throw out. You’d throw down the trash so authoritatively that let’s face it, you should have looked into a career as a garbage man. Well, now you’re a parent, so part of your job is being a garbage man, so the next time you need to throw something out, do it with style and scream “BOOMSHAKALAKA!” Your kid will repeat it in no time.

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