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Raising Your Daughter for Ranger School

Right now, two women are enduring the last week of the United States Army Ranger School in the daunting Florida “jungle” phase, as part of a pilot program to help the Pentagon decide how they might open combat specialty positions to women in the future. Throughout their attendance at the course,... 

7 Old Video Game Exclamations You Can Still Use in Parenthood

Back when it was a totally dope diss to say “don’t have a cow, man”, kids had a vocabulary full of pop culture. There was something magical about old video games’ vocal snippets. Because games had limited memory, and because we were dealing with cartridges and CDs instead of... 
NES Controller

Old School NES Games That Prepared Me for Fatherhood

Fathers pull their inspiration from weird places. Some of them pull it out of their own father’s teachings. Some of them pull it out of necessity and learn on the fly. But what indisputably prepares you for fatherhood the most is video games. Old NES games, specifically. Look, that console had two... 
10 Discontinued Snacks

10 Discontinued Junk Foods That My Son Will Never Get the Chance to Eat

Some things are too good (or too bad) to keep around forever. This is especially true in the world of junk food, where brands constantly crank out products based on market trends and flimsy pop culture references. My son will never eat some of the junk food I had when I was younger. I certainly won’t... 
25 Reasons

25 Reasons Kids Should Be Left Alone With Their Dads

Making fun of dads because they are “pretty much just giant children” is soooooooo 2011. Maybe y’all ain’t heard, but dads are getting all sorts of respect lately – not because they’re doing anything different, but because – ugh – who didn’t want... 
Latest Stories

Star Wars Battlefront Trap

Star Wars Battlefront has faced some mixed reviews in its first week; it’s a fun couch co-op game, but reviewers almost unanimously mourn the lack of both more single and multiplayer content. Nevertheless, it’s a really fun game, and even more fun to play with your kids. Just one tip: first, get ’em a fake I.D.

Before you hop in the car and drive to some shady alley downtown, you won’t need a real fake I.D. But it might take some number-fudging and superfluous accounts to get your children playing Star Wars Battlefront online. Keep reading for a step-by-step process to get them online.


SMB3 Parenting Title

Super Mario Bros. 3 is still an incredible game. We thought we’d pay a little homage to it the best way we know how: asking you which of Super Mario Bros. 3‘s powerups best describes your parenting style.

Are you firey? Do you throw hammers? Do you avoid parenting duties by standing still like a statue? We made a graphic that’ll help you decide…


Sorry for the RNA

Dad’s semen can get blamed around the house for a lot of things — clogging drains, staining clothes, making socks stand up on their own (vom!) — but now science is finding that dad’s baby batter might also be to blame for something else: his child’s stress levels.

Turns out that even mild stress is enough to make changes to sperm’s microRNA, which then carries onto the resulting child.

The study, published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, was done by researchers at the University of Pennsylvania, who basically stressed out a bunch of mice and then made mouse-babies with them.


Your Childhood Will Not Be Ruined If "Star Wars: The Force Awakens" Sucks

We all just watched that new trailer for Star Wars: The Force Awakens, right?

It was… solid. Intriguing, nostalgic, raised more questions than it answered. (Still no Luke? The Force is a myth again? Why do Star Wars people always forget about magic religions within one generation? Who is Rey? Why does hyperspace look different? Is this the first time we’ve ever had in-atmosphere X-Wing vs. TIE Fighter battles? Because they look AWESOME.)

How do you feel? Excited? Anxious? Angry? Ready to tear you hair out because when, when, WHEN WILL IT BE DECEMBER 18TH ALREADY?!

I can sympathize. Some of us have been through this before, sitting there, listening to your heartbeat thundering in your ears, after buying a ticket to Freddie Prinze Jr.’s Wing Commander just to get your first-ever glimpse of The Phantom Menace. (Which, trust me, is MUCH worse than just tolerating a few hours of Monday Night Football.)

And, as a veteran of “Star Wars anticipatory mania” – because what else can you call it? – I can tell you that there are TWO things you need to know, right now, about The Force Awakens, particularly after watching that jaw-dropping trailer.

1. Star Wars: The Force Awakens might suck.

2. And that’s OK.


Playskool Heroes Header

There’s a unique generational thing going on right now – the stuff that we enjoyed as kids is all cool again. I can’t think of many toys I had as a kid in the 1980s that represented brands and characters that my parents also loved as kids. The opposite is true for my son and I now – I can’t think of many brands and characters that my son and I don’t love together. This means that toy companies like Playskool are making toys for my son…but deviously so, they appeal to me too.


Prison Yoga

If your August edition of the Californian Journal of Health Promotion has gotten buried on your coffee table, as I know it does, then you missed an article about how prison yoga is making incarcerated fathers into better parents. Because duh. And double duh that this came from a Californian scholarly journal.

The Washington State University study was done at the local Chelan County Regional Jail in Wenatchee. Fourteen groups of security-screened, volunteer inmates were monitored over a course of 3 years in a program called “Fit Fathers, Successful Families, Inside and Out”. The inmates were found through internal prison advertising and were required to be fathers of young children.


Hate to go Fishing

I miss the summer. We’re in full-on autumn mode now. Kids are at school, everything’s flavored like pumpkin, stores are starting to sell Christmas lights (???), and the California sun has given us slightly colder mornings and evenings, though daytime temperatures are still in the Mordor-range of 6,000 degrees.

But I digress.

I hadn’t yet written about a fishing trip my family went on in August because I pulled my Achilles really badly on the second day, then came home, got a job, and have just been too busy to even process all of our photos. But I finally got that chance, and I realized the funny thing about our fishing trips: my family hates fishing, but we love to go fishing. Weird, right?


Ed Houben

A 46 year old Dutch dude named Ed Houben is being referred to as “The Sperminator”, because number one, why not, and because number two, he has fathered 106 children. Probably more by the time you read this.

Houben, a tour guide by day, used to spend his off-hours donating sperm to a clinic. Between 1999 (which we are ALWAYS partying like it’s) and 2005, he donated his man-juice 25 times. Not completely fulfilled by that process (and I getcha, man…the tile is cold, and the cups are always knocking over during shake-off), Houben decided he was going to start donating his baby batter without the middleman. His plan was to start making donations directly (in)to the childless couples. Well, one member of each couple, at least. Ya get what I’m puttin’ out there, fam?