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Raising Your Daughter for Ranger School

Right now, two women are enduring the last week of the United States Army Ranger School in the daunting Florida “jungle” phase, as part of a pilot program to help the Pentagon decide how they might open combat specialty positions to women in the future. Throughout their attendance at the course,... 
Boomshakalaka

7 Old Video Game Exclamations You Can Still Use in Parenthood

Back when it was a totally dope diss to say “don’t have a cow, man”, kids had a vocabulary full of pop culture. There was something magical about old video games’ vocal snippets. Because games had limited memory, and because we were dealing with cartridges and CDs instead of... 
NES Controller

Old School NES Games That Prepared Me for Fatherhood

Fathers pull their inspiration from weird places. Some of them pull it out of their own father’s teachings. Some of them pull it out of necessity and learn on the fly. But what indisputably prepares you for fatherhood the most is video games. Old NES games, specifically. Look, that console had two... 
10 Discontinued Snacks

10 Discontinued Junk Foods That My Son Will Never Get the Chance to Eat

Some things are too good (or too bad) to keep around forever. This is especially true in the world of junk food, where brands constantly crank out products based on market trends and flimsy pop culture references. My son will never eat some of the junk food I had when I was younger. I certainly won’t... 
25 Reasons

25 Reasons Kids Should Be Left Alone With Their Dads

Making fun of dads because they are “pretty much just giant children” is soooooooo 2011. Maybe y’all ain’t heard, but dads are getting all sorts of respect lately – not because they’re doing anything different, but because – ugh – who didn’t want... 
Latest Stories

Why It Matters That They’re Making Star Wars and Marvel Underwear for Girls NowAs the father of a young daughter, I am not used to social progress. I’ve come to expect that female politicians will be constantly asked about their appearance. I’ve come to expect that corporations will forget to make toys based on the female lead of their new blockbuster movie. I’ve come to expect that it will take Barbie over 50 years to acknowledge what real women look like. I’ve come to expect that, at every turn, society will find a way to let my daughter down, in big ways and small ways, entirely due to her gender. I am used to being disappointed on my daughter’s behalf.

So, imagine my surprise when I recently encountered some small, hopeful progress for girls in a completely unexpected place – children’s character underwear.

That’s right. There are Star Wars and Marvel underwear for girls right now and it’s kind of a big deal.

No, really.

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Right Way to Parent

Here at 8BitDad we care about parents. We want parents to know the most effective ways to parent their children, and so we’ve compiled a list of all of the hottest trends in parenting and ranked them. This is the 2016 edition because some methods have changed year-to-year and we need to account for that. Because we’re responsible and serious about our jobs.

Now get out there and parent the right way!

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FIFA Oh No

Too bad, so sad for a father in Pembroke, Ontario (Canada, y’all) whose son managed to buy almost $8,000 of in-game content in a FIFA game on his Xbox recently.

Lance Perkins’ 17 year old son dropped $7,625.88 CAD (about $5364.86 in USD) on EA’s FIFA game store content, which, assuming he’s playing FIFA 16, consists of “FIFA Points” – an in-game currency that allows you to buy “FUT Packs and Draft Entries” – basically, stuff to beef up your soccer/football/fútbol club. That’s a lot of draft entries; EA sells packs in increments ranging from 100 points — for $0.99 — all the way up to 12,000 points, which will set you back $99.99. Even if Perkins the Younger bought the 12,000 point packs alone, it’d still take him over 50 transactions to hit his total.

That’s dedication to the game, people.

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Beyond #WheresRey: The Pop Culture Disappointments You Need to Prepare Your Daughter for in 2016

We should’ve seen it coming. After the #WheresNatasha and #WheresGamora campaigns – hashtags that called out the lack of female representation in the merchandise for Avengers and Guardians of the Galaxy – WHY did anyone assume that Disney, toy manufacturers, or retailers would’ve learned their lesson for Star Wars: The Force Awakens? Were we that naïve? Did we just not want to admit what we all KNEW was going to happen? That, even though Daisy Ridley’s Rey was the LEAD CHARACTER in the whole damn film, she would be almost impossible to find on Force Awakens merchandise. Because that’s EXACTLY what happened. Hence the inevitable hashtag #WheresRey.

As a dad and as a rational human being with a soul and a shred of empathy, I AM FED UP. What else can we do?! How else can we shame manufacturers and retailers to stop pulling this shit?! At this point, all I can do is prepare my daughter for the worst. And maybe you should too. Because there is a LOT of potential for more of the same in 2016.

In my most recent fit of geek-dad rage, I put together this list of the most likely pop culture candidates that might disappoint, demean, and marginalize our daughters in the coming year. These are the movies, the big movies, that SHOULD KNOW better when it comes to gender issues, the movies that SHOULD KNOW that we want to see their major female characters represented in their merchandising and marketing. And yet… despite all that, we all kind of know they’re going to fuck it up.

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Pepto #PinkRelief

It has been zero days since my last heartburn.

Welcome to the holiday season – a stretch of calendar days where people of every culture have at least one day set aside for gift giving and eating. Between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day, I am in a constant state of satisfaction and indigestion. Should I be eating all of the foods? At once? YES AND YUM.

I’ve got five distinct things I need to eat and do during the holiday season in order to feel like I’ve fulfilled my traditions. And they all somehow lead me to a night of rolling around in bed with stomach acid burning in me. But what a way to go, right?

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Star Wars Poster

As our collectively-linked dad boners are telling us through giant, blue-veined throbs and pant-shredding splits, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens is like minutes away from ushering in a whole new universe of catchphrases, toys, cartoons, (more) movies, books, comics, stuff, stuff and more stuff. And lightsabers, possibly in new colors.

But if you somehow managed to live with Star Wars virgins in your household for this many years without mundanely crapping out vital plotpoints to them when your smug Star Wars jokes that killed in college have been falling flat on their Alderaanian asses at the dinner table, then you’ve been shaking your fist at your obviously inferior family members, threatening them with showing them the movies “IN THE CORRECT ORDER” before they’re “allowed” to see The Force Awakens.

But what you don’t realize, you big dummy, is that you’re still probably introducing your family — the loved ones that put up with your shit — to the Star Wars franchise the empirically wrong way. That’s because you’re not showing them A New Hope, The Empire Strikes Back and The Return of the Jedi on VHS or LaserDisc.

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We Win

Success comes nine months after dad bloggers Voltron’d together to lay pressure on Amazon to change its baby-stuff program, “Amazon Mom“, to “Amazon Family“!

The back story: As early as 2010, dad blogger Oren Miller wrote about Amazon Mom on his site, A Blogger and a Father. Another dad, Chris Routly, wrote about the Amazon Mom problem on his site, Daddy Doctrines in 2012. Somewhere along the line, a dude named Jeffrey Harrington started a Change.org petition about the same issue. When Oren Miller passed in late February of this year, dad bloggers not only renewed their efforts, but went ten-fold to honor their friend. You can read our article on the matter here.

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Bacon Testosterone

As it turns out, even before a man decides to be a father, there are some biological baby-related things inside of him at play.

Researchers from Wayne State University’s Department of Psychology and the University of Chicago’s Institute for Mind and Biology found that young men who had an interest in babies tended to have lower increase in testosterone when shown sexually explicit material.

How’d you like to be the dude on one of these panels? You’re in a room being told that it’s a study about babies and they hand you a baby and you think “awww he’s cute” and then all of the sudden they yank the baby out of your hands and put on a porn movie. Super confusing, bro. But that’s science.

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